Powdered sugar day

You know how powdered sugar looks when it gets wet? Like little lumps of white slush? That’s what seems to be falling from the sky in London right now.

How do I know this? I just walked through it as I was returning from the library, and the first thing that I noticed when I stepped inside was that my hair had somehow turned frozen and soggy simultaneously.

snowfall

I hate to start a post talking about the weather, especially when all of my California friends who have never lived in a place where winter exists are blowing up my Facebook feed with posts about the snow, but I couldn’t help but find it the slightest bit ironic; I left Colorado initially for a southern California university because I was tired of the snow we’d get 6 months out of the year. And look at me now, back to living in a Winter Wonderland of my own free will!

*grumbles*

It is so strange to think that I have lived in London for 12 days now. Looking back on the decisions younger me was making in high school, I would have never seen myself where I am now. Four years ago, almost-senior me was contemplating staying in my small town in Colorado where I’d be pre-med or pre-dentistry and I’d find a secure future waiting for me in the nice, quiet neighborhood that I thought I’d never leave.

Now I’m halfway across the globe in one of the most diverse (and expensive) cities in the world, studying drama and literature (which I used to swear I’d never do), and I have no idea what the future holds for me, and I guess that’s okay.

I felt old for the first time in my life yesterday, which was weird because a.) I’m not old by any means (maybe by medieval standards…), and b.) it was the most random thing that started it.

I was in the kitchen of my flat, cooking some ground beef for my dinner. The package of meat had been frozen solid for at least 24 hours, and so I’d attempted to defrost it for a longish period of time, but some of the middle parts were still frozen, and I didn’t realize that until after I’d started to cook it and… I had words for that beef, okay. I was tired, and hungry, and getting more frustrated by the second, because I was just trying to MAKE A BURRITO goshdarn it and the freakin’ BEEF wouldn’t UNFREEZE.

ME TOO, BATMAN, ME TOO.

Anyway, while I was having a grand old time with my would-be burrito guts, my flatmate came in and sniffed the air and said (without sarcasm, might I add), “Wow, that smells really good.” And then he came over to check out what I was making, and suddenly looked up at me with this shocked/elated expression on his face and said, “You… can cook… meat!

And I don’t know why I reacted like I did, because yes, I can cook meat if you really want to call what I was doing “cooking,” but I was having some major struggles, and my cooking in general consists of various pastas and taco salads, but suddenly, I felt almost like a mom to this flatmate. And I don’t say it to be high and mighty at all, but I felt like I was talking to a younger version of myself, the version who was on her own for the first time. All of a sudden, I realized that there is a younger version of myself that I remember and who wasn’t really a child, and so what does that make me now? #existentialcrisis

Funny that one can think all of this in the span of about three seconds.

I was talking with my old roommate yesterday about life and such, and we were contemplating the opportunities that we have as students of various art forms to do pretty much whatever the heck we want to do. And that’s terrifying sometimes, because we don’t have one set path or the promise of financial security waiting for us at the end of the day. And we don’t know what to DO about that.

But when you’re in London, England, and you’re studying drama and literature and you’re watching shows that you wish you’d written… you don’t necessarily care. You just try to enjoy the moment, and remember that you believe in a God who will provide for you no matter what happens. And your decisions about your future matter, but they don’t matter as much as your faith that you’ll be taken care of.

Powdered sugar day musings. I’m going to go enjoy the strange precipitation from next to my radiator with a duvet and a cup of tea, because I might be from Colorado, but I haven’t experienced snow in a year, and I’m cold.

Samantha Chaffin

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