Enough

So I’ll make this short— I’m blocked.

(Also… now might be a good time to say that this post probably won’t contain a single thought of value.)

I’ve had dry spells before, where I’ve stopped writing for a month or so, but it’s never been like this. I literally do not want to write. Ever. I know I should, and I try… sometimes. If I find the energy somewhere deep within me. But I lose interest, or I end up staring at the page blankly.

Welcome to the last three months of my life.

I’m constantly using school as an excuse to not write, but the truth is while school can be like a deathtrap that sucks away all vitality (stay in school, kids), it’s not always like that. It’s just my go-to excuse.

I know I need to get excited again. This is what I’m passionate about, right? This is what I want to do with my life! Why am I moping when there’s a perfectly good story tucked into a cold, dark corner of my laptop? I don’t know. I just don’t know.

I understand that writing is, like anything, hard work, and if you only write when you’re “inspired” or when it’s raining (my favorite writing weather), you’re never going to get anywhere. I’ve been told over and over again that you have to get into a habit of writing every day. I’ve been told since I first discovered that I might like to write that it’s not a hobby, it’s a lifestyle. And that all sounds very hypothetical and lovely until you actually have to do it.

And now I’m blocked.

The theatre student in me is screaming, “My whole existence is meaningless and the time has come to dye my hair and explore a new version of myself!!!!”

The English student in me is rationalizing the situation and chastising my fingers for typing multiple exclamation points when one is quite enough, thank you.

My question is, am I not committed enough, am I not passionate enough, am I not writer-y enough for this job? Do professional writers have these feelings, too? Or is it the choice to keep writing that actually makes you a writer?

Well… a vent is not complete until it has been posted on the Internet. So here. Knock yourself out. Laugh at my pain. Tell yourself how glad you are that you are not me. Be joyful. I’ll be here. Giving you the virtual stink-eye like an old lady who lives with her cats.

JUST GET OFF MY LAWN.

–Samantha Chaffin

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6 thoughts on “Enough

  1. deshipley says:

    Let’s see… do *I* have any thoughts of value?…
    I don’t know. I guess if you don’t want to write, don’t write.
    You’re just writing for you, right? No one’s life is riding on this? There’s no short story standing between you and the gutter? Okay, then. If you’re writing for fun, write when it’s fun.
    Who knows, maybe once you take the stress off yourself with feeling like you ha-a-ave to write, you’ll get back the feeling of *wanting* to write.
    Maybe some way old-school music will help.

    Barry Manilow knows your pain.

  2. thejaneite says:

    Um, so SAM. As far as the “are you talented enough” part goes, SHUT UP. Anyone who has ever read a sentence of yours knows you have a gift from God. Just saying. So put that one aside. As far as not wanting to write goes, I can totally relate. After I finished my first completed novel a year ago, I decided it was time to edit but I was so worn out that I hated writing for the next five months….until I started Esmeralda.
    The simple truth is this: you must continue at some point or I will cry. Is that enough incentive? Probably not. Dang it.
    What’s your favorite book EVER? Read it. And then read your second favorite book ever. And then your third. And when you’ve finished with reading your favorite books (no writing at all) then read your favorite of your own work. And then Privateer. And hopefully you’ll be charged up and you’ll feel the proper angst and empathy and you’ll just HAVE TO write more. 🙂 I hope.

    • samchaffin says:

      Hahaha okay, this comment cracked me up. I think now I’ll go write a few more chapters, just because you told me to. 😛 Dead serious. And actually, that is very good advice; I always feel inspired to write when I read something that’s in some way utterly fantastic, or is a particular favorite of mine (I wish I had my Shannon Hale books at college with me…must obtain angst and/or empathy!!).

      • thejaneite says:

        Oooh Shannon Hale is an excellent choice for such moments. I see that you have conquered the block and have posted some. The second I’m able to, I know exactly where I’m going….Figment. 😉 I miss your characters! It has been too long. Feel free to be overcome by guilt for keeping me waiting.

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