I have a very large problem. Its name is Five-Thousand-Word-Deficiency.
That’s “Five Thousand.” As in, three zeros.
It’s just that every time I open Privateer, I feel like this:
I seriously have no motivation left. I just got back from Thanksgiving break, and not only do I feel like I’ve gained 5,000 pounds, I also feel more homesick, whiny and generally apathetic about everything than I did before break. All I want to do is curl up with 5,000 Disney movies, 5,000 boxes of graham crackers and 5,000 gallons of milk. And cry. Cry like a freakin’ infant.
And then there’s Charmaine, who’s sitting on the sidelines, calling me names and screaming, “ENOUGH WITH THE LETHARGY.” And then there’s Derek, who’s consistently in the back of my mind (I admit it, okay? He’s my character, I don’t need to justify myself), making me feel all guilty for not paying more attention to him. And then there’s poor Presley, who’s growing more and more accident-prone by the day. And then… then there’s Benjamin… ohh… Benjamin… I can’t even think about him right now.
I’m probably going crazy (note: the casualty with which I say this. Sure sign that it’s true). The other day, I was talking to one of my good friends who happens to be an artist—the drawing/painting type. She designs single characters that evolve over time; she draws them over and over, until she thinks they’re just right. While I was talking to her, she mentioned that every once in a while, she’ll have to deal with a character that absolutely refuses to work with her. When that happens, she said she starts to refer to that character as if it’s a real person, and she wanted to know if that sounded crazy. I just stared at her, and told her that I refer to ALL of my characters as if they’re real people, not just the ones that I have to fight.
And she gave me a look that said she was considering calling a psychologist, and said, “…maybe you’re a little too involved.”
I laughed. But inside I was throwing sh*t and screaming, “I AM NOT TOO INVOLVED.” *eye twitch*
November is almost over, and I think I can accurately describe this round as a failure of epic proportions. But that’s ok… I mean, I’ve done some growing, right? I’m not entirely the same writer I was at the beginning. Then again, as I’m still using Disney icons to describe how I feel, I’m probably deluding myself.
But Privateer certainly isn’t the same story it was, and I should be proud of that. Some writing is better than no writing at all. I just can’t go read the other NaNo’s success stories, because I’ll end up like this:
Heyheyhey that last one wasn’t Disney… I AM GROWING. XD
P.S. – Word count = 34,324